I Lost My Granny in the Supermarket Read online

  Then Harry remembered the fliers for local attractions that Mini had in her bag, including one for the theme park on the edge of town.

  ‘Fun Valley Adventure Resort! Oh, thundering crumpets! That’s it,’ Harry said. ‘Keith, you’re a genius!’

  ‘You could be right there,’ said Keith.

  ‘Can I borrow your bike?’

  ‘No,’ said Keith.

  Harry jumped on it and pedalled away.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Keith’s bike was too small for Harry, and so he had to cycle hunched up over the handlebars, his knees bouncing up around his chest, like a dad messing about on his toddler’s trike at a barbecue. That’s why, about thirty minutes later, when Harry arrived at Fun Valley Adventure Resort, he was out of breath and hot. His face was glowing red like a tomato on a sunbed. His back was aching.

  Harry hid the bike behind a bin and then walked towards the ticket gates. He joined the queue and peered into the theme park. He saw people milling about and lots of children, yanking their parents’ hands, desperate to get on a ride, but he couldn’t see his granny. There were also two people dressed up in big foam costumes. One looked like a bag of chips, another a sausage. They were the characters from the popular cartoon Sausage & Chips. They were greeting people and handing out balloons.

  The queue moved forwards. Harry squinted and stared over people’s heads, looking for his tiny granny. No sign. As he got nearer to the ticket booth, he noticed that people were paying for their entry passes. Of course they were. But then again, uh-oh! Harry patted his pockets. Empty. He had no money. How was he going to get in?

  Then he had an idea.

  ‘I’m here to work, dressing up like them,’ said Harry, pointing at Sausage and Chips. ‘They said come to the main gates and you would tell me where to go.’

  ‘Ah right, costumed entertainment,’ said the man on the ticket desk. ‘You’ll be perfect – nice and tall. The props department is round to the right. Follow the signs saying STAFF ONLY. Have fun.’

  That was that. The gate opened and Harry walked through. Simple. He couldn’t believe his lie had worked. He couldn’t believe he had lied at all.

  Now, to find his granny.

  Harry looked around. Giant roller coasters and plunging rides stood out against the skyline. The park stretched far into the distance, peppered with trees, shops and food stalls. How on earth would he locate Mini here?

  ‘Looking for the props department, aren’t you?’ said a voice behind him. It was the man from the ticket booth. ‘I’ll take you. I’m going that way myself.’

  ‘I, um …’

  It was no use. The ticket man strode off, calling over his shoulder, ‘Come on, this way.’

  Harry obediently followed him, feeling panic bubble in his belly. ‘Have to find Mini, have to find Mini, have to find Mini …’ was playing on a loop in his brain, but the loop stopped abruptly when Harry found himself inside the props department, a warehouse on the edge of the park. Inside, every kind of man-sized costume hung from rails:

  Bears and chickens.

  Fairies and cavemen.

  Chocolate bars.

  Dragons.

  Hot dogs.

  A giant Planet Earth.

  Harry gazed at all the costumes, amazed. It was like he’d walked out of real life and into a fantasy world – his fantasy world, where people could dress up as hot dogs and dragons whenever they pleased.

  ‘This young man is here to work on costumed entertainment today,’ said the ticket barrier guy.

  ‘Excellent,’ said a friendly-looking woman wearing huge glasses with red frames. ‘I’m Liz. Welcome to my world of costumes! We need Cheesehead the Chipmunk to walk around today. Just wave, greet children, stop for photos. That kind of thing. Take your trainers off, you won’t need those.’

  Liz heaved an enormous furry suit off a rail. The chipmunk was made of golden fur, with a fluffy tail. It wore a red bow tie and giant red shoes. In one hand, it held a big wedge of cheese.

  Liz undid the zip at the back and Harry climbed in, wondering how his day had spun so out of control that he had not only lost his granny – the one thing he was supposed not to do – but was now dressing up as a chipmunk at a theme park.

  On any other day, the chance to wear a giant costume would have been a dream come true for Harry, but not today, not today …

  Liz grabbed the big chipmunk head and pushed it on over Harry’s head. It felt heavy and smelt faintly of school changing rooms. He couldn’t hear very well and he had to look out of its mouth.

  ‘Here are some Chipmunk Chunks to give to children,’ said Liz, handing Harry some sweeties in shiny wrappers. ‘You can store them in your pouch.’

  ‘Chipmunks don’t have pouches. They’re rodents, not marsupials,’ Harry said, but his words were muffled inside the huge head.

  Liz steered him towards the door and, with a gentle shove on his furry chipmunk back, pushed him out into the theme park.

  ‘Have fun!’ she said.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Harry began to walk, but it wasn’t easy. The first problem was the shoes. They were huge and clumsy, like Harry had sheep sitting on his feet. He couldn’t walk in the usual left-right, left-right way. Instead, he had to pick his feet up, as if he were escaping a snowdrift, or pretending to walk on the moon.

  The second problem was the chipmunk head, which was mostly foam and had such a small window to look out of that Harry felt he was squinting through a letter box. That’s why, almost immediately, he bumped into a signpost, kicked a sparrow, squashed an entire family of ants crossing in front of him and knocked over a bin.

  Harry lumbered onwards, despite his feet and head issues, but then some children ran over and began punching him in his tummy and standing on his giant red shoes, laughing and calling him ‘a fat mouse-thing’.

  He struggled to balance as he reached into his pouch and threw some Chipmunk Chunks out. The children rushed to gather them up, then ran back to their families, holding up their sweetie treasure.

  Puffed and hot, Harry began moving again. He needed to hurry. He had to find his granny. What time was it now? He didn’t know. His watch was hidden under the furry costume. By now Mini could be anywhere.

  Gradually, Harry got into a rhythm with his giant feet and, ignoring people’s requests for photos, lolloped through the theme park.

  He passed the Tiddly Teacups and the Happy Caterpillar Train and scanned the crowds queuing for the Crazy Commotion ride and Barf Mountain – no sign of Mini.

  Then something caught his eye in the distance. A flash of white on the Big Drop. The white of white curly hair? Could it be? Was it?

  Mini? Mini?

  Harry moved towards the ride. People were getting off it now and standing around near the exit, looking queasy. Was that her, there, in the crowd? Harry wasn’t sure.

  He tried to catch up with her, but couldn’t go fast enough.

  Then an idea popped into his head. He squashed his way over to the stand selling souvenir photos of the ride, snapped just minutes ago as it plunged downwards. His eyes skipped over all the terrified faces, mouths wide with screams, hair vertical.

  ‘Not Mini, not Mini, not Mini …’ he muttered, checking each face. ‘Not Mini, not Mini. Wait … Mini!’

  There she was. In the first car. Grinning from ear to ear. White hair still perfectly curled. Giant handbag gripped on her lap.

  ‘That was her on the ride. I did see her!’ Harry said. ‘She must be nearby.’

  He plodded off, full of determination.

  He would find his granny.

  He would get her to the awards on time.

  He would win the fifty puppy points.

  ‘Make way, excuse me, Cheesehead coming through,’ said Harry, barging people aside with his big belly.

  Where would Mini go next? She’d done the Big Drop, so what now? He heard screams above. Tipping his heavy chipmunk head back, he looked up through its mouth and saw the park’s biggest and scariest roller coaster, the Upside Downer, threading overhead. People were hanging completely upside down in their cars as they zipped over the crowds below.

  ‘Ah yes …’ Harry muttered. ‘That one.’

  Harry was beginning to get into the mind of his granny now, just as Keith had recommended, just as Meet and Tuveg the detectives would do.

  He had thought Mini was a regular no-dramas granny, but since the supermarket, he had begun to see her true personality. She was daring, cheeky and definitely a rule breaker.

  It wasn’t too far to the Upside Downer, but the crowds were thick and the going would be slow. What to do? Harry looked around and realised that the quickest route was straight through the wallaby enclosure in the animal park. He scoped it out. Over the fence – yup, he was tall enough to clear it – a short walk and then, BADING! BADONG! He could be right by the ride in moments, find Mini and get the day back on track.

  Harry cleared the fence easily. A few wallabies looked up. Maybe they thought, Oh look, a giant chipmunk wearing red shoes and a bow tie is in our enclosure. Then again, maybe they didn’t.

  Harry nodded politely at the wallabies and then broke into a blobby run. He was almost at the opposite fence when his giant red shoe got tangled on a tree branch lying on the ground and – BAM! – he fell, face first, on to the grass. For a few seconds, he worried he might be stuck there, forever, the extreme fatness of his costume making it impossible to move, let alone find his granny. But then Harry began to wriggle, to heave and pitch, like a ship in stormy seas, and eventually he managed to roll over.

  When he looked up, he could see not the sky but a wallaby.

  ‘Hello,’ he said as it sniffed his huge foam head. ‘Now, you’re a real marsupial, aren’t you, with a real pouch. Not
like this chipmunk. I’m not really a chipmunk, by the way. This is just a costume. I’m Harry.’

  The wallaby didn’t reply.

  It hopped out of view and then a human face appeared. It was the wallaby keeper.

  ‘You all right in there?’ he asked, peering down at Harry.

  ‘Bit stuck actually, my suit is really heavy,’ Harry said.

  ‘Let me help you,’ said the keeper, hooking his arm under Harry’s and pulling him to his feet.

  ‘Thanks,’ said Harry, once he was upright again.

  ‘No problem,’ said the keeper. ‘You’ve made my day. A giant squirrel in the wallaby enclosure. Never seen that before. Magic!’

  CHAPTER NINE

  As Harry got closer to the Upside Downer, he could hear an argument. One of the voices was very familiar. Mini’s.

  ‘What do you mean I can’t go on the ride?’

  ‘You’re too short, I’m afraid,’ came the reply. ‘There’s a height restriction on this ride.’

  ‘I’m not a child. I’m seventy-four, you know!’

  ‘Mini!’ Harry shouted. He could see her now, but she didn’t notice him. She was too busy lecturing the man at the ride entrance.

  ‘I’ve just been on the Big Drop and I was fine,’ she said. ‘Some people were practically wetting their pants, but I loved it. So don’t tell me I can’t go on the Upside Downer.’

  ‘It’s nothing to do with how scared you might be,’ replied the man. ‘It’s purely to do with your height. You’re too small. You might slip out of the car when it flips upside down.’

  Mini snorted in disbelief.

  Harry pushed to the front of the crowd, shouting, ‘Security, stand aside,’ and took Mini by the arm.

  ‘Security, please come with me, madam,’ he said.

  ‘Since when do security guards dress up as weasels?’ she said.

  ‘I’m a chipmunk, actually,’ he said.

  ‘Chipmunks don’t have pouches!’ said Mini.

  ‘I know,’ said Harry, ‘but I can’t get into that now. Look, just come over here, please.’

  He led Mini away from the crowds.

  ‘Now, can you help me pull my head off? I’ve only got one free hand, the other one’s holding this piece of cheese,’ he said.

  Harry knelt down so Mini could reach the Velcro fastening. She ripped it open and then lifted the chipmunk head off.

  ‘Oh, it’s you, Harry. What are you doing here, dear?’ Mini asked.

  ‘Looking for you, of course!’ Harry said.

  ‘There’s no need to do that,’ said Mini. ‘I’m perfectly happy and having a nice time. Isn’t there something else you’d rather be doing?’

  ‘But I promised I’d take care of you,’ said Harry, fanning his hot face.

  Mini reached in her bag and gave him her flask of water, which he glugged down in one.

  ‘Toffee?’ she said, offering him the bag. Harry shook his head angrily.

  ‘No thanks. I don’t eat stolen food,’ he said.

  ‘Suit yourself,’ said Mini. She put them away, and then pulled a packet of spicy crisps out of her bag, which she began eating.

  ‘Seriously Spicy Extra Red Hot Chips?’ Harry spluttered. ‘They’re the hottest, spiciest crisps in the world! Since when do you eat spicy food?’

  ‘Since my time living in Mexico, thirty years ago. I was working on a secret project there,’ said Mini, winking. ‘I haven’t always been in loo roll.’

  Spicy food!

  Secret projects!

  Mexico!

  Harry could hardly take in all this new granny info.

  ‘Wow, it’s her,’ said a man, pointing at Mini. He rushed over and stood next to her, beaming.

  ‘Please, could I get a photo with you?’ he asked. ‘You’re the absolute goddess of loo rolls. I’m a huge admirer of your work.’

  Mini batted his words away, like she was swatting midges, but allowed him to snap a photo and then squeezed out a smile before he walked away.

  ‘Wow, another fan,’ Harry said. ‘We haven’t even made it to the awards yet. In fact, we should get going. We have to choose a new outfit, remember? And I’m taking you to lunch and then you have the hairdresser’s at two p.m.’

  Then Harry felt a tap on his shoulder. It was a giant banana.

  ‘Never take your head off when you’re working on costumed entertainment,’ the giant banana said. ‘It’s the law. It destroys the illusion that you’re a real chipmunk.’

  ‘A real chipmunk? With a pouch! Ha!’ Mini said.

  ‘I’m in a costume by mistake,’ said Harry. ‘This is my granny. I just need to get her to come with me …’

  Harry couldn’t see the expression on the person’s face, but whoever was inside the giant banana shrugged.

  ‘Look, mate, I don’t know what you’re up to, but I do know you should keep your head on – your chipmunk head, that is – when you’re in the park. First rule of costumed entertainment – never reveal your true identity. It ruins the magic for the kiddies.’

  The giant banana then grabbed the chipmunk head and brought it down firmly on to Harry’s head, Velcroing it in place. Harry spluttered and wobbled, and by the time he had adjusted it, so the mouth window lined up with his eyes, Mini was already halfway across the park and heading for the exit.

  Not again!

  She was on the run – literally – and yet again, moving incredibly fast. Did she never get tired?

  There was nothing for it – Harry had to follow her. Don’t let her out of your sight, his mum had said. Oh, how simple that had sounded this morning.

  Harry took off after her, using his giant belly like a snowplough, scattering small children to left and right. He saw Mini bomb out of the exit and hurry through the picnic area beyond.

  Harry felt his face heating up again; he felt his cheeks going tandoori chicken red again – not from embarrassment this time but from the rising temperature inside his chipmunk head. He reached round to the Velcro fastening at the back, grappling with it, hoping to get the volcano-hot head off.

  ‘Gah!’ he puffed. ‘Can’t do it!’

  Never mind. It would have to stay on. The thing that mattered – the only thing – was to find Mini. But where was she?

  Harry had made it through the picnic area, dodging clumsily around tables, and was out on the street now. He peered through the chipmunk’s mouth. Cars everywhere, and a bus coming. It pulled into a stop up the road – there! That telltale flash of Mini’s white hair bobbed on to it. The doors closed. It was off.

  ‘Right!’ said Harry. ‘I see you, Mini. You won’t get away this time.’

  CHAPTER TEN

  Harry grabbed Keith’s bike, still hidden behind the bin, and began pedalling after the bus.

  If riding Keith’s too-small bike had been hard before, it was almost impossible now that Harry was dressed as a chipmunk. His red foam feet could hardly feel the pedals. It was like when you’re wearing six pairs of thermal socks and can’t tell that you’ve stepped on some Lego. His legs had to splay out to the sides to make room for his chipmunk belly too, which butted up against the handlebars like a furry airbag.

  Harry pedalled past some builders eating sausage rolls at the side of the road. They laughed at him and shouted, ‘Look at that giant rat on a bike.’

  ‘Chipmunk,’ Harry muttered, but there was no time to stop and explain. Cars passed him, tooting their horns and flashing their lights. A group of teenage girls snapped photos of him on their phones.

  Harry tried to keep the bus within sight. He was panting hard now and his hot breath was collecting inside his chipmunk head, pushing the temperature higher and higher. When would Mini get off?

  Eventually, the bus slowed at a stop near the clock tower in the centre of town and Harry spotted his granny hopping off.

  He glanced up at the big clock: 12.40 p.m. Could she actually be heading to the department store to find a new outfit for the awards? It would be great if she were, but Harry suspected that no, she wouldn’t do that. He had learned a lot about his granny today and one thing he now knew for sure was that she hardly ever did what she was supposed to.

  He was right. He saw her trotting off, not towards the shops, but in the opposite direction, towards the leisure centre. Harry quickly shoved Keith’s bike into a rack and followed her.